It hurts to lose.
I don't want you to lose. I want you to be lucky.
He was the luckiest person I ever knew.
He started gaining a reputation for being lucky. People would even ask him to buy lottery tickets for them. Every time he went to a casino he always walked out with more than he came in with.
Every game Tim played he won. Or at least it seemed like he was winning. Because even when he was down he was having fun. But most of the time he did win.
That’s the strange thing about winning. Winning is really not about what happens to you. Winning is about how you feel. When you feel like a winner you improve your chances.
Tim never worried. He used to tell me: “It doesn’t matter how much you worry - things always work out anyway.”
Tim encouraged. I think that’s why we were close friends. Every time I’d get worked up about something I’d talk to him. He’d always find a way to make me feel better. Nothing was ever a big deal to him.
I remember hearing a story about Walt Disney. He would decide to shoot a scene in bad weather. Everyone would warn him it was a mistake. But sure enough, when they would start to film, the clouds would always open up for him.
Disney used to say: “If you live right things go right”.
Tim knew this too.
When I would lose I used to blame my circumstances.
But I didn’t realize that winning is just a state of mind. Winners don’t always have to score more points. Winners find a way to feel like winners no matter what’s happening.
Tim recruited followers. When he told a joke even people at nearby tables would start to listen. When Tim would gamble people would stop playing to watch him. Tim made everyone think he was winning. Tim made everyone feel like THEY were winning too.
The opinions of others affect our performance. In sports they call this “home field advantage”.
When I give talks it’s who I focus on makes or breaks me. If I find a few people that are really listening - hanging on every word - I can feel it. Their facial expressions, their posture, all have an effect.
When I notice a few people who are listening my talk gets better. The better my talk the more other people start to listen. Pretty soon I’ve got positive momentum.
Sometimes when I talk I notice people who aren’t listening. If I focus on those people I start to hesitate. My talk starts to sound canned. I lose my emotion. Pretty soon other people stop listening too.
It would be easy for me to say that it’s the people in the audience that are creating good talks or bad ones. But it’s who I choose to focus on that matters.
Winners don’t get luckier than anyone else. They have just figured out how to focus. Happiness is their home field advantage.
Tim was able to do that. He would stay in a happy, carefree state of mind no matter if he was winning or losing. In the end he won more because of it.
I learned from Tim that it’s your state of mind that counts.
People come to me to learn martial arts. They think that if they learn certain moves they will be able to defend themselves. Sometimes it works.
But learning self defense doesn’t protect you. Learning self defense gives you confidence. Confidence is a state of mind. Confidence is what protects you.
That’s the reason they break boards in Karate. Board breaking has NOTHING to do with self defense. But it does make people believe in themselves. When people have confidence magical things happen.
Everyone thinks they have to learn lots of moves. But there’s only one move.
That move is focus.
Focus on the things that make you happy - NO MATTER WHAT. That's how you get lucky.
Tim did it. Disney did it.
And now you can do it too.